Weird advertisements and extra-terristrial advertisers

Anyone who watches the channel ZOOM in the afternoon is surely guaranteed a laugh. Yes, I am referring to those sky shop ads which go on for about half an hour in an attempt to sell us products that will makes us look fairer, taller, slimmer and so on and so forth.

Advertisement 1: Roopamrit ..Yes,this one's to make us look fairer.It starts of with a firang looking aurat who has a highly indianised accent and the lips aren't even synced. They then go on to tell us the tale of some poor dark complexioned (or should i say unnecessary durt thopofied on the face such that the face and neck are too highly distinct colours!!) damsel in distress in a mahabharat-type setting. The girl is on the verge of womanhood, but she's dark and sigh,therefore she can't find a husband. Her father looks like some mahabharata ramayana hero (sheesh..mythology was never for me) complete with pearls,swords and a crown!! and after much thinking takes her to this pujari who grants her roopamrit or rather some out-of-the-world mixture made ONLY from weird-ass-herbs which probably don't even exist straight from the amazon forests!! (sheesh..that way shouldn't south american people be sparkly white) Soon after putting on the cream she miraculously becomes fair!! (or rather,the dirt is wiped off the face) and then of course,hundreds of suitors line up at their doorstep,she gets married and everyone lives happily ever after...and all this for "only" Rs.995 a bottle!!

Advertisement 2:Yoco height increaser....yes,as the name suggests this one guarantees to increase your height by few INCHES!! (lol..whatever happened to drinking a lot of milk in bachpan?!!?)So again the tale of a "sundar, susheel, gori, padhi-likhi ladki ladki" who unfortunately was not blessed by god with a good height and after being turned down by many potential husbands, she decided to take yoco height increaser. You see, yoco height increaser is made with special formula consisting of potassi-manganese biacarbonates sulphur dicoxides (don't care to correct me mini) in the lab (mind you, all this being told to you by the stereotypical mad-scientist kind of guy...complete with big white hair and all..only no broken specs) and one is supposed to rub them onto the sole of the foot and then wear shoes which are specially lined with some god-for-saken plastic.This is followed by testimonials of people who used this product and successfully increased their height by about 3-5 inches!! One which I particularly remember was the Rocky Vicky Monty type stud boy, complete with leather jacket and muscles whose only problem was that he was short and after using this product, "saari ladkiyan mujh par marti hain"!! (sigh, I would sooner apply the aforesaid mud on my face than date this guy). So, of course, the girl referred to at the beginning of the ad then uses this product, becomes tall, finds a husband and lives happily ever after..all this only for Rs.2000!! Lol..any takers?

Life as a cynophobic

Experience 1 : Our house in chandigarh,playing cricket in the lawn and the ball goes into the neighbour's house. Very boldly i go into the lawn only to have a cheeky ,white, ferocious dog running out towards me,baring his teeth in a life-threatening manner.Screaming my lungs out,i dropped the cricket ball there only rushed back into our house,dog running behind me.Ah!only managed to get back and close the gate with a second to spare.Yes, my cousins and me still continued to play cricket,the ball continues to go in their lawn.The only difference is i have never stepped into that house again. And for all those people who think dogs are cho-chweet and it must have been my fault, THAT dog did bite my cousin one day four years later.
Experience 2: At my friend's place.She suggests we go to the next door neighbour's place because i have to see their dalmatian puppy. Yes,the dalmatian was cute but i was treacherously deprived of the whole truth and i soon found out they also had 3 MORE dogs,and no,these were no puppies.Big,ferocious dogs,leaping up at me,trying to bite of my flesh and im just standing there,too stunned to even move or scream till their damn owner finally comes and apologises for letting them out.An apology?!?!Will that ever help me get over my fear of dogs?!?Was i conditioned for life?
Experience 3:Going to the sports complex with hemantika and we pass a house and there's a dog barking madly at us.Having the comfort of being at a distance from a dog since the house gate was closed,i just showed him my badminton racquet and barked back at him and moved at him.Little did we know that dogs also know how to open gates and he came running after us and i'm sure if barks could be translated into english language, he was surely saying,"so u just mocked at me,huh?"..and hemantika,being as scared as dogs as I am,started screaming in the middle of the road.I on the other hand,just took off and ran,the dog running behind me,with hemantika screaming hysterically behind me,"kutte ke samne bhage gi to woh tere peeche hi bhage ga".Fortunately,I managed to shake him off and hide in someone's stairs and after 5 minutes hemantika also caught up with me.Since that day, i haven't ever passed by that house with that mad dog.
Experience 4:Shubhi's dog,very rightly named Mischief, and whom i have been able to avoid all these years just scared the hell out of me today.I heard him barking and I immediately locked(yes lock,dogs can be clever) myself in the bathroom.Fortunately,her bathroom has a fan in it.So after sitting there for 15 minutes,during which Avani & Shubhi kept pleading with me to just come out once so that he could sniff me after which he would stop barking at me and that anyway they couldn't tie him all the while I was there.So I cautiously came out,gave him a forced smile and approached him ever-so-slowly when he jumped out of shubhi's lap and came tearing towards me and I,yes ran back to the bathroom with him barking his ass off right at the bathroom door waiting for his prey to come out so that he could feast on it.But no, I would rather sit in a bathroom than face mad dogs whose only objective in life is to bite me. And please,whoever came up with,"barking dogs seldom bite" was a LOSER.
And for all those idiots who still haven't figured it out, cynophobia is fear of dogs